Working with family - worth it or not?

Some days I want to scream and others I can't stop smiling. 

Working with family has its challenges, I know as I've worked with my husband now in 2 jobs in two different companies over a 10 year period.  In addition to this, I have worked for my father, brother and uncle when I was younger on many occasions on our Kiwi-Fruit farm- May School holidays was always picking season.  I also work with my father-in-law as he is our accountant and my Step-Father as our Commercial Property Inspector.

When people ask me what its like working with my husband, I always respond "Its a privilege".  I truly believe being able to work alongside every member of family is special.  You are able to work with one of the people you trust most in the entire world.  People often ask me- "how do you get on spending so much time together".  Its easy.  I don't!  People see us on the external as a married couple, and not many people understand that like all businesses, there are managers and colleagues, this is why it works.  We have our own people to see and things to do and are in and out of the office like yo-yos. 

Both Wayne and I have clearly defined roles and job descriptions.  We understand the boundaries of our day to day operational roles and the roles we have as directors and shareholders.  Because of the clear definition of roles, we are able to work on our pieces of the business .  So do we talk about the business at home?  The answer is yes.  I ask other couples- do you share things that have happened at work at home and discuss your colleagues or meetings you have had? I am sure the answer is yes.  We are no different. 

Like most normal colleagues, we have our board-room battles and battles at home.  The main difference is we have a major, major advantage for our customers and staff.  That advantage is that our communications are so good that we are able to stand in for each other at a moments notice, often interchangeable.  We are also able to more openly 'tell each other what we think' as most people tend to be more honest with their partners than work colleagues.  This can also be a disadvantage to our staff sometimes as they see us first as a married couple rather than colleagues.  They can mistake the discussions for a 'marital spat' so we have to be aware of this more often than most.

I don't think everyone could work together as we do.  It takes a great deal of patience and willingness to navigate through  very rough waters in business, but in turn, the ability to really celebrate the good times- not too dissimilar to a relationship really.

Working with siblings and close relatives I don't find much different- it can get awkward at times.  I have personally witnessed members of my family attack each others with spades, not normal behaviour in the workplace, but it happens.  The number of family businesses in NZ is actually quite amazing- there are more around than people realise.

So its it worth it or not?  Here are my key points about working with family:-

1/ Before you start working together, have written and agreed job descriptions.  Worth the effort- absolutely!  This clarifies who does what before you start and stops the dreaded 'stepping on toes'.  Make sure you all totally understand the boundaries.

2/ Business is business.  Treat the boardroom as the boardroom.  Personal stuff stays outside the office- don't use it as ammunition in a meeting- its bad form.  Fight battles as you normally do with other non related colleagues- otherwise your working relationship will be limited.  This has happened to me and I have broached it and aired the reasons why this is 'unprofessional' at work.  You are professionals.  Stay that way.  Worth sticking to- definitely.

3/ Don't be afraid to do the hard stuff and treat a spade as a spade.  Have I had performance related discussions at work with family.  Yes.  Has it been awkward- yes.  Its it worth it- this is the toughest thing you will have to do.  The jury is still out on this one unless you can get your family member to do point 2 and treat business as business.  You must iterate this clearly.

4/ Have a personal life that is actually personal.  Yes, I am my husbands facebook friend and I tag him in photos.  But, when it comes to LinkedIn, this is our place of work.  If I have a better profile than him with more endorsements and connections, game on! (Please endorse me for something if you read this!!).  Remember- Business is business (see point 2!).  In seriousness, our personal life is pretty personal.  Most people have no idea that we love to Kayak Fish together and we often go Mountain Biking or Road Biking together.  Its important to have a life outside of work that is totally different to your place and type of work.  This is what keeps you sane.  Worth it? Yes

5/ Weekends are sacred.  This has been our number 1 rule since we have been working together.  Work as many hours as you want during the week but DO NOT work in the weekend.  I can count on 1 hand in the past 8 years the number of times we have had to work in the weekend.  We have done this on purpose and it is what keeps us normal.  You have to have time away from work- working 7 days a week would even drive non- related people to go crazy after a period of time.

6/ Business trips are business but there is no reason that when the business is finished that you can't have some time out.  This is one of the advantages of working together- you can share some great experiences away- even if it is for work.  We have both travelled extensively for work over the years and have always said if the other is away for longer than 2 weeks then the other person needs to travel to be with them.  I am so lucky to have been able to share experiences, again a privilege.  It can also be problematic.  I was once on a business trip away in the USA and sitting is a conference session and got a text from the team back in NZ.  It simply stated 'I think one of the tradespeople is smoking dope in the ceiling space and its going through the air-conditioning in the office'.  I looked at my husband and nudged him in the conference and simply passed my phone over so he could read the text.  He just shrugged his shoulders.  What does one do in this situation?  I simply said back to him- awesome, we are here and our staff are now in-voluntarily stoned and we have to fire our air-conditioning company.  I love my job!

7/ Plan your holidays wisely.  The downside of working together and running a company together is holidays- who will be there to run things if you are not.  Make sure you have good staff, and if you need them CCTV cameras.  We can't all have eyes in the back of our head. 

8/ Some people will just never get it and see you as a 'family run business' and will never get past it.  I recently lost a deal because of this.  It was substantial.  I was more disappointed that the company directors could not see past this.  And furthermore to see me for the skills I have and as being talented in my own right, as well as having a very successful company that has worked with some of NZ's largest organisations.  Their loss really, a shame that some people will never move on from this mentality.  Worth it- I still wouldn't change working with family over a loss like this, but I think we do have to learn to accept this as an issue and know we won't win all the time.

9/ Understand you still have legal obligations and contracts with family.  This is one of the hardest issues you may face.  As mentioned in point 2- business is business.  There are some hard things you will have to do- this will range from liability issues to having to sue family members.  I have seen this issue destroy some families.  Again, you must be aware of this when you enter any form of business relationship with family.  When I walk out of the office, family is family, if in the office, its work and I expect to be treated the same way.

10/ Some people will always view you as the wife!  Not unlike point 8, some people can't get past the fact that you are talented individuals in your own right.  I think my Mum thinks I am the receptionist for Business Mechanix. I recently decided that I would invite her to an event I was speaking at which was held at Microsoft.  I was speaking and Wayne was sitting down the back.  I think she was very shocked at how well I knew my stuff.  She even commented on 'wow you really do know what you are talking about'.  If you get the opportunity, you must take it to show other family members or even friends that you have talent in your own right and you are not just an extension of your partner or family.  Take the opportunity to SHOW them.  It will be worth it!

In summary, I would not change a thing in terms of working with family.  I have yelled, cried, celebrated, danced, flown, driven, collaborated, dined with and partied with my family as part of my working day.  There are large highs and massive lows. If you can actually work with your family, celebrate this and cherish every moment.  If you can't, at least you have tried and learnt more about yourself and them through the process- no matter how poor the experience- you have still gained from it.  I believe its so great to be on lifes journey with those you trust and respect the most.  Its definitely worth it.