When you should walk out of a meeting- the Aaron Gilmore Syndrome

One of our team had an interesting day a few weeks back.  A meeting with a prospective client ended halfway through with one of the attendees standing up and announcing "you are lucky I've given you 30 minutes".  This was despite our team member outlining the purpose and high-level agenda of the meeting.  To make matters worse, they deliberately left the business card of our team member on the table, signalling their real thoughts. 

The person who did the walking out was in middle management. Apparently they were "too busy" to have the meeting, or this is what they stated upon exiting.  Ironically, if they had stayed for the rest of the meeting, they may have discovered a way we could have helped the person be less busy through the services that we offered.   However,  we were not even able to discuss this as the meeting was cut short.  In fact, the person who left early actually also arrived late to start with.... and missed the important the intro and overview of what was articulated.  We also asked 'what are the issues you are currently facing and what are you trying to achieve?' The person could not articulate what they were trying to achieve or issues they were facing.  This in itself demonstrates an issue when faced with external vendors in front of colleagues.  Understandably some issues may be confidential,  however, the 'unwritten rule book on meeting etiquette' should still apply as you never know when you may run into each other again in the future, and instances like this are long standing.  I just feel for the persons colleague who was left sitting in the room with an awkward feeling in the air.

Apparently the demeanour of this person was very much along the lines of 'don't you know who I work for, I have an important role in an important company.'  This came through loud and clear by body language, tone of voice and the action of coming in late and making a point on how they exited the room.  The odd thing was that instead of giving a business card, they wrote their email address on a piece of paper and handed it over.  Strange in itself!

This got me thinking.  I do think that there is an appropriate way and time to walk out of a meeting and cut it short.  There are also ways to conduct yourself in a formal meeting situation.  In fact I walked out of a meeting myself this morning, but I did not do it in the 'Aaron Gilmore' fashion of 'I'm too important'.  I walked out of a meeting early this morning as if I stayed, I would have undermined one of my managers roles and this was not productive to be doing this.

It also made me smile.  I'll never forget another instance of a meeting exit that will stay in my 'mental history books' forever.  Working for a client some years back as a manager in a department, we had to work very closely with another business unit.  There was a manager from the unit I was in and another manager in another area who did not often see eye to eye.  They were in a meeting room holding a meeting with several other people.  The meeting was getting heated and loud voices could be heard outside the room in the open plan area where I was also sitting.  Within minutes, one of the said managers burst out of the room and slammed the door so hard the entire floor heard the bang.  It vibrated things on peoples desks, it was done with such vigour. 

As we all continued to work, the series of events that unfolded was unbelievable.  We did not see the others exit from the room for some time, it must have been at least an hour.  Next minute, the maintenance people were turning up with their tools.  When I went past to go to the toilet and realised what was happening, I could not believe it.  The meeting attendees were still inside!  The slamming of the door by one of the managers had actually bent the door frame and the people inside were stuck.  The meeting attendees were stuck in the room and had to use the meeting room phone to call the maintenance people to get them out.  They did get out of the room and yes, it ended in tears.  The incident was so memorable because the person who slammed the door I'm sure had not realised the ramifications that would follow of their actions.

So in light of this,  I think a check list of meeting etiquette and times when its appropriate to 'walk out of a meeting' should be pulled together. Here are a few of my thoughts on this:-

1/ When given a business card, look at it, smile at the person, acknowledge and immediately put it in your folder or wallet.  Preferably somewhere that its visible to the other person that they can see you actually care about where you put it.

2/ Always give the other person the dignity of hearing them out in the first meeting for at least 1 hour.  You then never have to meet with them again, but at least you should be able to ascertain if they have something you want or vice-versa.

3/ If you genuinely have to exit a meeting, let the other person know in advance that you have to leave early and provide a plausible reason.

4/ If you are under-mining someone else's role in the meeting and its getting outside of your core job description, best to show you support your colleague/ manager by leaving the meeting with a comment 'I have full confidence that person x will be able to handle things, I look forward to their feedback- its been a productive session so far or something similar'.

5/ Never, ever in a meeting use the 'Aaron Gilmore' approach- 'don't you know who I am or who I work for'.  This is the ultimate in disrespect for the other people in the meeting and quite frankly, achieves nothing.  If you are that good, show it by what you say in the meeting and how gracefully and tactfully things are thrown into conversation.

6/ If there are serious personal attacks in a meeting, better to exit and walk out gracefully than to keep it going and show your support for the situation. Simply put, you can exit by saying something like "this meeting is no longer achieving the goals or following the agenda, its best to leave things here until we are able to meet again to review the original items".

7/ If you are in a vendor meeting and you really don't want to buy what the person has, you can still exit gracefully, telling them the truth is a pretty good approach!  How about 'thanks so much for explaining your products and services' to be honest we are OK right now with our current supplier but please keep in touch, perhaps again in another 12 months'?  or "I don't want to take up (not waste) more of your time as we are OK right now, but I do appreciate the efforts you have gone to'.

8/ Do not use electronic devices mid conversation in a meeting and then exit the room when something 'more interesting comes up' on your iPad, phone or similar.  It is very impersonal and looks almost secretive to the other person using electronic devices in meetings, unless you are taking notes and you have the device angled down so the other people can clearly see what you are doing.  Otherwise it can be taken as a sign of dis-respect.

9/ Walk out if the meeting time is up.  Often people will try and 'steal time' with you and go for that 'little be extra'.  If you are genuinely interested then stay but most of the time you need to pay some level of respect to the people in your next meeting by not being late, also, allowing for a meeting wind-up itself can often take 10-15mins so you need to be exiting gracefully again.

10/  Walk out if you need to make a point that it simply not getting through- this must be used with extreme caution and very sparingly.  I used to know someone that used to do this and it was very powerful.  It was like an exclamation mark at the end of a sentence or a bold underline.  Usually used to get across a certain view point and to end on that point alone.  This method is usually used or saved for internal meetings only when you know the people quite well.  In my entire career I recall only doing this once, you must also do it under calm situations not when you are upset or annoyed.  Never, ever be a door slammer (see above)!

In summary,  walking out of a meeting and stating 'you are lucky I gave you 30 minutes' or walking out ending a meeting in anger will leave a lasting impression and not a positive one.  NZ is a small country and most people are only 2 or 3 degrees removed.  If you are having a bad day, walking out of a meeting is probably less than helpful for everyone.  Find another outlet- simply have a yell somewhere no one can hear or perhaps write a blog!!